Quiz: Are you a Snowboarder?

1. While peeing in the woods behind the half-pipe you've just found a strange bottle. You pick it up and rub it so you can see what label (you want to know if it's a cool brand - Mountain Dew, or Molson Ice or any other product that advertises by using snowboarders) is under the grime. A genie pops out and gives you one wish. Do you wish for:

a. World Peace.
b. A million dollars.
c. Just one night with the board betty/bro who just boned out a sweet method in the pipe.

2. You've just fallen in love with the mate of your dreams. To tell him/her you:

a. Take him/her to a fancy restaurant and over the joint's best bottle of champagne, pledge your undying love.
b. Take him/her to the top of your favorite mountain, and in front of all your buds, scream out your eternal love.
c. Take him/her out on a powder day and let them poach your favorite line. Nuff said.

3. Your would-be mate has agreed to spend the rest of his/her life with you. Do you:

a. Buy a ring.
b. Reserve a chapel.
c. Pierce your belly button. Engrave a small snowboard pendant with his/her name. Hang it off a chain like a stainless steel imbilical cord.

4. Your newly betrothed takes you to a religious service with her deeply religious family. After flailing through the rites of the church/ temple/mosque, and faced with a family that clearly thinks your tattoos and green hair equate you to the Antichrist, you:

a. Get down on your knees and repent.
b. Offer alms for the collection box.
c. Tell the joke in which God thinks he's a Vail snowboard instructor.

5. You're helicopter riding with a bunch of skiers. The guide, a skier dude named Hans, Jergen, or some Euro-shit, kicks off an avalanche in which everyone else in the group (all skiers) get caught. Do you:

a. Turn your avalanche beacon to "find" and start making a grid pattern to locate them.
b. Scream for help.
c. Pick another line, ride it, then tell the helicopter pilot the group decided to have a picnic.

If you picked answer c for every question, you are a snowboarder. If you knew the joke in which God thinks he's a Vail snowboard instructor, call me and I'll cast you in the movie version of this book.